When I’m depressed, I definitely want to wallow in it.
The thought of getting up to do something is so exhausting, that just doing nothing seems a better option.
This includes showering and eating.
However, there comes a point when I think to myself, “Enough is enough!” and I make this big effort to get up, get dressed and walk the dog.
But rarely do I get far enough to even leave the house.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, and how I need to change the way that I think about myself so that I can be a productive person – a mother, a partner, a friend and more.
Growing up in an environment where my emotional needs were neglected and abused from a young age, I stopped caring about becoming myself and, instead, tried to be who I was told that I was.
When most teens were discovering their likes and dislikes, I was desperately trying to please my parents, pushing who I was deeper down, and forcing myself to bring up what they wanted.
It sounds nauseating because it was
This continued into adulthood, and included professional and romantic relationships, where I became a people pleaser, afraid to look into myself for fear of what would happen if I became who I truly was.
It’s only now, in my 40’s, that I’m starting to discover who I am and what I want, and to do that, I have to let go of a lot, including the way I think about people from my past.
In an effort to find my way back to the hope of healthy self-esteem, I’m relying on a self-modified version of an interesting and unconventional tactic:
“Reverse Engineering is a process or method through the application of which one attempts to understand through deductive reasoning how a device, process, system, or piece of software accomplishes a task with very little (if any) insight into exactly how it does so.”
Used in systems biology – an interdisciplinary field of study focusing on complex interactions within biological systems, like our brains – it’s only a matter of time before we start to recognize the affect that interpersonal relationships have on our biological systems.
If I can know where I want to be in terms of my personal development toward self-recognition, then I can work my way backwards, eventually getting to where I am right now.
“I know I want to be an advocate for parenting and mental health, and to do that, I need to gain recognition and trust. To do that, I have to put myself out there. To do that, I have to meet people. Right now, I feel depressed and don’t want to socialize much, but I have a computer, a website and Twitter. Here, let me write this article.”
The first step has been completed (because you’re reading it).
I’m not a scientist, but I hope that there are some out there, reading this, who may be inspired to create the next Human Genome Project, focusing on our emotional composition.
If this works for you, let me know.
It’s a very simple approach, but it can lay the foundation for a strong build.
Featured image courtesy of John Hain via Pixabay